71 Conifer Crazy Again
December 2, 2022
73 Out of the Garden, Into the Books
January 6, 2023
Damn Deer
T here are two ways to get rid of deer in your yard: gun or fence. I’ve used both and in the end, my chosen method is a fence. With gun on standby.
Readers who’ve been reading my blog from the beginning might remember that in 2020 we finally installed a deer fence around the landscaped portion of our property. It took 25 years to come to an agreement with Mike on how to install it strategically, starting at the corners of the house but not in a way that drew attention. Who wants a fence that jumps out and says, “Look at me, I’m a fence!?” Not with the views of surrounding natural landscape that we have.
Front corner, house.
Unfenced pond for the deer. (See. I’m nice to them.)
Back corner, house.
We went with a 7 1/2-foot-high fence because deer will jump a 6-foot one. If you can’t build a high fence, place shrubs or trees inside a lower one. Deer will not jump if they cannot see their landing. Damn they are picky, right?! Use this to your advantage.
Now that we have a high fence, it is Mike’s job to periodically walk the property to ensure no part of it is down, as that’s the only way a deer can get in. And if they do get in, it’s his job to get them out. (Or take them out.) As long as he keeps this up, my plants are safe.
But then there was a year when Mike worked away and came home only on weekends. If any damn deer got in while he was gone, I had to deal with them myself.
One morning during this time, I was about to head out on a job and saw a deer—inside the fence—looking down at me from the hillside. Crap! I had places to go, and I didn’t have time to chase the damn thing out. (They never have good timing!) I called Mike and bitched as I headed up the hill.
It ain’t easy chasing a deer toward an open gate, much less through it! I gave up on that and tried chasing it back to where it had gotten in. A tree had fallen onto the fence and of course the damn deer took advantage. It’s in a deer’s nature to annoy the hell out of me, and this one was NOT going to leave the way it came in. By then I was out of time to keep trying.
Luckily I have a nice neighbor I could call to help. I didn’t expect him to chase the deer, but together we put the fence back up. And just in time too, because more deer were wanting to come over.
That damn deer, now stuck inside the fence, took it’s liberty with my plants for 2 whole days until Mike came home and got his gun.
Just look at this!…
But it didn’t end the way you’re thinking. The deer survived. The gun was only a scare tactic to get it to go through the gate.
Lucky for the damn deer, ‘cuz if the gun were in my hand, it would be a different ending!
Because our area is rural, in my landscape business I go out on a lot of consults about deer trouble. This is what I tell every homeowner: “There are two ways to get rid of deer in your yard….” etc.
Sometimes they proceed to tell me about the deterrents they have used, like strips of shiny foil or bars of Irish Spring soap hanging from trees, and then claim that these work. I admit to having used such means in desperation, but only in my not-so-smart past days.
Let’s see what other tactics not-so-smart people offer on the world wide web that supposedly keep deer at bay.
Mountain lion urine on cotton balls strung like Christmas lights through the yard. (You can’t chase down the deer, you think you can chase down a mountain lion and get it to pee for you?)
Blood spray—from gawd knows what animal—on your beautiful roses. (You will smell blood forever when sniffing those roses, plus think about what goes up your nostrils!)
Setting up radio transmitters throughout the yard tuned to talk radio 24/7. (Deer enjoy talk radio too.)
Motion detector irrigation emitters. (You forget about those sprinklers and end up getting another shower for the day. But wait…just grab one of the Irish Spring soap bars hanging from the tree so conveniently.)
Ultrasonic deer repellent gadgets. (A man created this stupid idea seeing deer have big ears. They have them for talk radio, dummy.)
Spraying a raw egg and water mixture all over the yard (causing salmonella outbreaks).
Spreading a mixture of hot sauce, garlic and liquid detergent on all your plants. (I have no words for this except R.I.P. those plants. They’d rather be eaten by deer.)
If any of these methods really worked, homeowners would not be calling me for a consult would they! Deer are too damn intelligent. These methods may keep them away for a time, but deer eventually get used to them. That bar of soap may smell odd at first, but deer will soon learn it won’t attack them.
But a dog might…
A dog can certainly help deter the deer, but not a dog like our beloved Coco (R.I.P.). Coco would just watch the 30 deer come down from the meadow to the pond. No barking, no running at them, no threating stance. No he’d think to himself, “screw this, too much work,” then come over for a snack and go for a nap in his dog house. Besides, we loved on Coco 24/7 without him having to do a lick of deer duty. Unconditional love is the best free reward for a dog.
If you can’t afford a fence or don’t want one, and prefer not to have a gun on standby, and if you’re grown past your not-so-smart days like me, you will choose to plant things in your yard that deer generally avoid munching on. What a concept! Nature vs. nature.
I have some deer resistant plant recommendations for you, but first I want to share with you that over the summer I killed myself learning a new landscape design program for my computer.
Before I purchased this very expensive program, I emailed the company asking, “Is this program very very very very very VERY easy to learn? ‘Cuz I’m getting old and don’t have much energy for learning new computer programs.”
David in customer service replied, “Yes. VERY easy.”
Well David lied and I told him so after watching a few tutorials which were very very very NOT easy. So David gave me an hour-long private tutorial which at the time seemed to help me immensely. But later, on my own, it went like this: tutorial, try it, tutorial again, try it again, tutorial once again, try it once again, until finally, “Ahhh!…I got it!”
But how did I get it?
Holy crap.
The same time I was battling this slow uphill learning curve, I had 5 huge designs for clients I needed to get done. So I learned as I designed.
Many times Mike came home and I’d be in tears. “I am too old for this shit!”
Eventually I got the hang of it and finished those designs. Then I took a vacation. And when I got back had to relearn everything!
But now I can spit out some pretty nice designs and can say that this old gal CAN learn the impossible. But I recommend 1, having passion for the end result, 2, deadlines with money and pride attached to keep you from giving up, and 3, Valium, which I may use next time and which by law should be provided free with all software tutorials.
For this blog post, I used the program to create a design to share with you that incorporates deer resistant plants. I’ve had these plants growing in my own yard even before the fence, and they are tried and true resistors—deer pass them by.
Click to open
All plants in this design are full sun plants and have the same low-water use so they can go onto one irrigation valve or station (known by we professionals as a hydrozone.)
My design also has a good variety of plants, which I’m always drawn to.
Feel free to print and use as you like to fit your tastes and available garden space. I kept it simple, leaving out pavers, concrete, mulch, buildings, ponds, fountains—all the stuff my customers ask for. But I guarantee you will enjoy these plants and that the damn deer will not!
Now this is the only deer I tolerate…
I wouldn’t chase this one off OR think about getting a gun. But he gets only a one-night free pass so that the damn common variety deer don’t get any damn ideas!
